Not bad!

OK, so 4 days now. This has to be a record. Of course this is a lot easier when DH isn't home because when he is, he gets all the random thoughts that fly through my brain. I really have no filter at all when I'm home- whoever's around is going to end up hearing everything I think as soon as I think it. Otherwise I get babble buildup and feel like I'm going to explode with pent-up thoughts. I believe this is why we have blogging. So our loved ones aren't exposed to all of our crazy all the time.

In case you haven't noticed I really do spend a lot of time on my own. It's made me kind of a hermit in some ways. A lot of this does have to do with our current situation- we're not really close to any family that can watch our daughter on a moment's notice, and while we have some wonderful friends who I know would love to watch my kid, because of DH's profession, our time to hang out is usually when everyone else is working. What we normally do is, when he's off I'll take a half vacation day from work. We leave the peanut at daycare, 'cause she's just having more fun with her friends anyway (and we're paying for that shit whether she's in school that day or not) and me and the old man go do something adulty and fun. Usually it's just a late leisurely lunch out at a restaurant. Those of you with children know what I'm talking about. 'Cause you may love your children more than you love your own life, but every once in a while it's nice to be able to sit down at a nice table with no crayons or booster seats, without having to portion out just enough chicken fingers or macaroni and cheese that most of it actually ends up inside your child instead of within a 5-foot radius of your family, getting snide looks from the other patrons 'cause you attempted to go out to a restaurant with kids in tow and they had the misfortune of being seated next to The People With The Obnoxious Little Kid.
So we frequent a local restaurant, and order beer and wine with our meal. I am one of those people who, in my pre-baby days, had no problem being just this side of sober in public. In fact it was probably my preferred way to go. But now that I have E, unless we're in an Italian restaurant, I normally won't have alcohol with my dinner. Part of that is the whole "Look at that woman, she's drinking in front of her baby!" fear, but mostly it's that I'm at the point where I drink for enjoyment, not to get fucked up. If I'm buying a glass of wine, it's going to be a glass of wine that I savor. I'm trying to expand my knowledge of wines so I don't want to just be slurping it down in Red Lobster with that fondue stuff they serve in the big bread bowl. That stuff is like crack from heaven, by the way.
It's a nice time to talk, since the restaurants usually aren't busy around 2 in the afternoon, so the wait staff is a little more laid back. We have conversations about all the adult stuff that we need to go over (having a spouse who travels a lot means you kinda have to have a staff meeting once in a while) and make any big plans we might need to make. We reminisce about life back in the day and talk about where people we love have gotten to. You know, a nice afternoon date. Maybe we go to the mall, or just go home and hang out, or take a drive out in the country. If the weather's nice we'll go somewhere outdoorsy or just sit outside at a cafe bullshitting until it's time to go pick up the product of our union.

Why don't we do this during everyday evenings? DH has been on a more regular schedule lately, enough that E finally is getting the sense of a routine in her daily life. Unfortunately this means that she's been looking for him all this week while he's in Dallas and I feel really bad for her 'cause she doesn't understand that Daddy travels a lot for work. But even when he's home, unless we're really bored or something's about to be really wrong, we just don't talk about everyday stuff. Mainly we just do the evening dinner-bathtime-bedtime routine with E, and then we snuggle up on the couch together and watch television until we fall asleep. There's really only two hours that we have together every day that both of us are awake and lucid and not distracted by our raging toddler. Why muck it up with daily business?

Which brings me back to now. I'm pretty much on my own a lot. I come home from work, feed the cats, dog, baby and myself, get her ready for bed and play with her on the floor for an hour or so, then after she goes to bed I do some light housework and have a snack, then go to bed. I am an old lady already. But I feel like I got the chance to do all my troublemaking and drama-having, and I'm good now. I have seen all the fucked-up shit I care to see, at least until my daughter's a teenager.